Being properly groomed seems to be a much easier process for men than women. While men go to a barber in a barber shop, women visit a hair stylist in a beauty parlor or hair salon. FYI, the word barber stems from a Latin word “barba” which means beard.

Most men typically get the same type of haircut every time. Waiting for your turn in the barber chair, you might see a large poster featuring black and white photos of men that suggests the various haircuts available. Most of the models look like they were either a friend of Richie Cunningham on “Happy Days,” one of the gang members from “West Side Story” or part of Danny Zuko’s crew in a production of “Grease.”

Since I tend to go to the same barber, he knows that I just like a trim. But over the years the hair on most men’s heads goes through a tough transformation. The lucky ones just have to cope with the gradual introduction of gray hairs. Staring in the mirror teaches a life lesson that “You’re not getting any younger.” Over time most men can accept their graying hair. The lucky ones have a significant other who help combat the onset of a midlife crisis by saying “it makes you look very distinguished.” 

Of course, if turning gray makes you morose you can always go to the drugstore and find the hair aisle that is just for men. There, you will find boxes of “Just For Men.” In the privacy of your own home, following the instructions on the carton provides a way to gradually eliminate those age-reminding gray hairs. The trick is to dye them gradually. Otherwise, you risk hearing sarcastic remarks like “Hey Bob, you look different. Did you put on a few pounds?” or “Nice head of hair. Where did you buy it?”

Personally, I would have been content with my hair turning gray. But the tonsorial Gods had something else planned for me. Instead, most of the hair on my head did a “Houdini.” My follicles decided to leave my scalp and instead take up residence in my ears and nostrils. 

Over time my bald spot, known medically as Alopecia, enlarged and took over most of my scalp. Which brings me to the crux of this column. When I went to my barber a few weeks ago, a guy in his thirties who had a thick head of brown hair and a beard to match was getting a haircut. As I watched from the waiting area, Angelo, my barber, painstakingly took his time cutting, combing, contouring and misting as if he was Michelangelo working on the statue of David. I put the clock on the process and 45 minutes later, with a flourish, Angelo removed the smock, gave me what I interpreted as a look of pathos and muttered “Next.” For the record, Pathos was not one of the “Three Musketeers.”

Angelo used clippers to trim beneath my bald scalp before snipping a few stray hairs that had taken up residence in my ears and between my eyebrows. Then with his quick flick of the smock I was done, setting a new indoor record of 9 minutes. 

Now here is what really bothered me. I was charged the same price as the previous guy. I understand that a barber does not charge by the minute like a taxi driver. However, a hair follicle-challenged guy like me should get some kind of discount.

So here is my proposal. Weekends are traditionally when barbers get very busy. On their slower days like midweek, maybe they can offer a discount for balding men. They can advertise it as “Half Off For Half Off!” Not only will they have more clients, but they also will have less hair to sweep up and save a fortune on gel and tonic. 

Hudson Cooper is a resident of Sullivan County, a writer, comedian and actor.