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Not a drop to drink

Hudson Cooper
Posted 2/17/23

There are many necessities which are important to sustain life. I am not referring to cell phones, Twitter, Tik Tok, Hulu, Netflix and computers. Certainly, those items add to our lives in some …

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Not a drop to drink

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There are many necessities which are important to sustain life. I am not referring to cell phones, Twitter, Tik Tok, Hulu, Netflix and computers. Certainly, those items add to our lives in some manner but are not essential. The three basic ingredients to sustain life are food, shelter and water.

A week ago I had no problem with providing shelter and food. My mortgage was paid and Shoprite was open. As an aside, no matter how many coupons I use and diligently stick to my shopping list by resisting the impulse buys, I never get out of there without spending at least thirty dollars. 

The problem I faced along with my neighbors was the lack of potable water. At first, I was alerted to the problem when a neighbor phoned me asking if I had water. I put him on hold, went to the sink and reported back that not a drop came out of any of my faucets. We surmised that there must have been a break in the line somewhere.

I expected trouble with frozen pipes a week earlier when Sullivan County was hit with the frigid arctic blast for a few days. During that span I used the tactic of turning all the faucets on just enough to have the water drip. When the freezing weather dissipated, the water in my home was just fine.

However, after a night of no action from my faucets, I woke up the next day hoping the water was on. As the water started to spurt out eliminating the air that was trapped in the line, I decided to take advantage of it by showering, brushing my teeth and shaving. After getting dressed, I opened my front door to make another thirty dollar contribution to Shoprite.

Staring me in the face, taped to my storm door was the dreaded “Boil Water Order.”  Basically, it said that customers in my area are “hereby ordered by the New York State Department of Health” to boil all water that you intend to drink or use for cooking.  

My first response was panic when I realized that I had just used the contaminated water to shower and brush my teeth. Shouldn’t those functions also be included in the order? 

Reading the notice further I learned that harmful microbes in the water can cause a variety of maladies including cramps, nausea, diarrhea and other symptoms. It goes on to say if you have any of these symptoms, you “may want to seek medical advice.” I agree. If I develop any of that I will first go to the doctor and then do a follow-up. However, the follow-up would be with my lawyer.

After a few days, I phoned the Department of Health only to be told they are waiting for the results of the water test, but the break had been fixed. 

So, imagine my frustration when I turned on the faucets only to find out that there was another watermain break. And thus, began my morning routine of using plastic utensils and paper plates to eat my breakfast before calling the Health Department for an update from a guy named Dave. I also wondered who enforces the Boil Water Order? Would Dave someday bang on my front door and demand to be let in so he could see if the burners on my stove were still warm?

Eventually, I boiled water and poured it into an empty gallon plastic jug from the Poland Spring company. I used that purified water to brush my teeth and wash my dishes. Once or twice, I ladled some on my head and body to perform a hillbilly shampoo.

Even though the water situation has been addressed, I still keep an ample supply of gallons and bottles of Poland Spring water. The company once described their water with the slogan “what it means to be from Maine.” I try not to think about the time I went hiking in the Maine woods.  I enjoyed watching a variety of animals near the lakes and streams that not only drank the water but also had no qualms using the babbling brooks for other bodily functions.

Hudson Cooper is a resident of Sullivan County, a writer, comedian and actor.

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