If you grew up watching police shows on television you are aware that in almost every episode a dispatcher would broadcast an alert on the radio, “Calling all cars.” Before today’s computerized devices, the “Calling all cars” alert was the only way to get backup assistance to fight crimes. So now that I dug up memories of “Dragnet” and “Highway Patrol” I will slam on the brakes and make a U-turn to tell you that this column is about how some automobile companies decided on identifiable names to call their cars, with mixed results.

Before we examine the nomenclature of individual cars, let me briefly delve into the “automobile.” The New York Times is credited with the first public mention of the word “automobile.” In one of its issues in 1897, they printed “The new mechanical wagon with the awful name of automobile is here to stay.”

Car companies go to great lengths to come up with a catchy name for their new vehicles before they roll off the assembly line. They get input from their executives, advertising department, car designers and anybody else who offers a name. But sometimes mistakes are made.

One of the quirky stories about car names comes from the inventive, yet bizarre brain of billionaire Elon Musk. When he was ready to launch the Tesla, Musk wanted to produce three models. He chose the names Model S, Model X and Model E. He thought it was very clever that if you rearranged the models, their names spelled “SEX.” His warped vision was thwarted by the Ford Motor Company who owns the rights to the name “Model E.”

The Ford Motor Company was probably not amused that they had to be reminded of the letter “E.” In 1957 they launched the fiasco known to the world as the “Edsel.” It was named after Edsel Ford, the son of Henry Ford, the company’s founder. It resulted in the most well-known failed launch of a new car. 

General Motors had a problem when it named one of its new cars the “Nova.” Although it was a memorable, snappy name it presented a problem when marketed to Spanish-speaking countries. This geographical glitch arose when someone discovered that “no va” in Spanish means “not going.” So, the name Nova was used in the United Kingdom and the United States. Latin American car buyers knew it as the “Corsa.” Nobody knows who came up with that “Nova” name but “of Corsa” changing it was a prudent decision.

I drive a Honda Accord whose name comes from the company’s desire to promote harmony between people and automobiles. It was more like disharmony when they introduced the Honda Fitta. A simple word search would have alerted Honda that “fitta” is a curse word in Scandinavian countries. In Europe, the name was quickly changed to the Honda Jazz and in America it is the Honda Fit.

The M & M companies also were victims of not doing due diligence in naming their products. I am not talking about candy coated M & M’s. There is no candy coating the fact that the Mitsubishi company quickly discarded the name “Pajero” from one of its newer models. Pajero is an abusive word in Spanish. Once they realized the translation, they changed the name to Montero.

The other “M company” is Mazda that introduced the “Laputa.” I do not know if Jonathan Swift knew it when he wrote “Gulliver’s Travels” but “laputa,” the name he used for a flying island, is another slur in Spanish. Mazda did not change its name but limited its sales to Japan.

Maybe it is time that car companies hire an expert in the use of apps that translate like the one developed by Google. It would save them from embarrassment, the cost of retooling name plates and having to discard advertising campaigns if their chosen name is red-flagged. Perhaps car companies should stick to non-offensive but recognizable names. My suggestions include the Toyota Tofu, Chevy Chaser, Kia Kale or the welcoming Honda Howdy!

NOTE TO MY READERS: This column signifies that it has been two years that I have been fortunate to provide my “Random Thoughts” every Friday. I thoroughly enjoy doing it. If you keep reading, I’ll keep writing! Thanks.

Hudson Cooper is a resident of Sullivan County, a writer, comedian and actor.