How do you get a squatter out of your backyard? 

If that particular squatter is listed on the Fortune 500 list of America’s largest companies, you have a few options. 

You could start by calling … over … and over … and over again. 

The company might roll a truck to your neighborhood a good week after their line crashed into your backyard after a lightning storm took down a giant tree – and all the utility lines running in the air across your yard with it. 

The second-largest cable company in the U.S. might then tell you that they don’t have any earthly idea of how to remove their wires. You may be tempted to suggest they call the electric company to find out how they did it with their own wires several days prior. You’ll probably bite your tongue. Probably. 

This company with $55 billion in revenue might say they’ll be back in 48 hours, then move it by 48 hours, then a week, and then go radio silent. You’ll wonder if the company that runs broadband, cable, internet, mobile, and news services in 41 states has a way to return a phone call. 

Days will pass by. 

Then weeks. 

And then after more than a month has passed by with a giant cable wire taking up space in your backyard, you’ll break down and try option two. 

You’ll send an email to State Senator Peter Oberacker’s office with a simple question: Do you think you could help?

Within a day, the company with shares trading at $267.80 on the Nasdaq will discover it has phones they can use to call a customer. 

Within two days, they’ll put the heads of their best engineers together and figure out how to both remove their wires from your yard and string them from one pole to another above your yard and into the neighbor’s. 

That same week you will pay the broadband bill that managed to arrive right on time and at the same rate as usual. 

You’ll also mow a lawn that finally, for the first time in more than a month, is squatter free. 

(Thank you to the staff at Senator Peter Oberacker’s office for your help!)