“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds” has long been the creed of the American postal worker. Why then has Amazon just informed me that the post office tried, but failed, to deliver my package? (Disclaimer: I would have shopped local, but couldn’t find embroidery transfer paper anywhere).

Today’s weather is as mild mannered as Clark Kent. So where is my package? Where, oh where, is my swift and gallant postman? I mean postperson.

I imagine him/her/them in dire trouble. Perhaps new to the job and therefore somewhere in the woods lost and confused. Perhaps on foot looking left and right while standing directly in front of my house. Perhaps not knowing where the mail goes because they’re young and unfamiliar with the snail mail box.

I call Amazon to see if my package was returned. The representative, who sounds like she’s speaking from inside a fish tank, informs me that Amazon has paid for the post office to deliver my package on this very day, a Sunday. Of course, as a prime member, my privileges extent beyond federal law or what I thought was federal law, mail on Sundays.

I search the USPS website to check when exactly the post office is officially closed. Basically all the usual holidays from New Year’s Day through to Christmas upon which there’s a footnote: “July 4, 2021 (the legal holiday for Independence Day), falls on a Sunday. For most Federal employees, Monday, July 5, will be treated as a holiday for pay and leave purposes.”

There’s something disturbing about this statement. There are no small ‘th’s’ after the numerals. It bothers me that it doesn’t say, July 4th, but that’s just me.

More importantly, what exactly does the statement mean? Does it mean that since July 4th fell on a Sunday this year that postal workers who worked that day would get Monday off? I dig deeper. In the search box, I type, ‘post offices open on Sundays’. It’s a nationwide search and sure enough, Amazon lady was right. According to the USPS site, “Sunday and holiday delivery available in many major markets for an additional fee.” I wonder if the word ‘delivery’ should be pluralized as in, “Sunday and holiday deliveries? I have a strong urge to research this potential grammatical error, but there’s no time. I’m on a quest.

I highly doubt our rural post office has anyone on Sunday duty. I phone them and as suspected, there’s no answer. They don’t even have an antiquated answering machine. I now feel that the post person’s creed needs to be revised:

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Holidays and Sundays, however, stay all couriers from their appointed rounds except in regions where Amazon Prime has allegedly paid extra.”

According to Wikipedia, the original postal creed was coined about 2,500 years ago by the Greek historian, Herodotus, which must be long for Hero. Herodotus actually spoke of “courageous couriers” most likely because there was a good chance they’d be shot.

The good news: Courage is not required for my package to be delivered. However, if said package doesn’t arrive by tomorrow, courage might be needed to deal with a very unhappy old hag.

Thinking that maybe I misunderstood the original notice from Amazon, I re-read it, “Unfortunately, USPS ran into an issue when attempting your delivery. They will try again.” I’m suddenly reassured to know that delivery will be reattempted. Best of all, it’s good to know that Amazon cares enough to follow up:

Hello,

Thank you for your inquiry. Did I solve your problem? Yes? No?

Actually, Amazon, you created the problem since I never expected a delivery on Sunday in the first place.