Conflict and disagreement are a normal part of life. From the time a baby learns to say, “No!”, they will encounter countless times of conflict. When disagreements arise, we are quick to want to know who is right and who is wrong. And most of the time we think we’re the one who is right, and will fight to prove it.

Such was the case for two sisters in the Bible, Martha and Mary. Their story is told in Luke 10:38-42. Jesus and His disciples had come to their home for a visit. While Jesus was teaching those who surrounded Him, Mary joined in, sitting at His feet and hanging onto every word. Her sister, Martha, was busy cooking and preparing to serve her guests.

Suddenly Martha, distracted by all the preparations to be made, interrupted this teaching time to complain to Jesus. She said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” Martha was slaving away in the kitchen and really needed some help. But Mary didn’t want to miss anything that Jesus was saying.

So who’s right and who’s wrong here? Neither. Jesus didn’t chastise Martha for what she was doing. Martha would be expected to prepare a meal for her guests. Also it was pleasing to Jesus that Mary chose to sit at His feet and listen to what He was sharing.

The problem was not in what they were doing but with the accompanying attitude. Martha was understandably distracted by all she needed to do. But what the Lord said to Martha was that she was worried and upset about many things, and Mary had chosen better. She had a right attitude.

Some disagreements have nothing to do with being right or wrong. But what we need to look at while going through a conflict is our motive, our attitude, our choices, the timing, and preference. Do we have a right motive for what we are doing, saying or fighting for? Are we just trying to prove that we’re right and the other is wrong?

What about our attitude? Are we being kind and loving while we discuss the disagreement, or has a bad attitude crept in? Are we more interested in being right or being righteous? Do we consider the feelings of the other person, and are we more interested in preserving the relationship than proving we’re right?

There are also times we might have made a right choice and are doing the right thing, but the timing is off. Perhaps the other person has discerned that even though this is a right choice, it is not the right timing. We need to be willing to listen and pray about every decision we make.

Many times our disagreements our over our preferences. Again, neither is right and neither is wrong. It’s just what we prefer. These are times when we need to be willing to compromise, or agree to disagree, as long as we’re sure either answer would be fine.

The only One who truly knows what the best outcome for any conflict would be is God. So we need to always bring Him into the equation as soon as possible, seeking His wisdom and guidance on how best to resolve our disagreements.

Hope Ministries is a Christian counseling center, and we are here to help. If you would like to speak confidentially with someone, give us a call at 482-5300.