Twenty years ago, I took my twin boys to First Class Formal Wear in Monticello to get tuxedos for their prom. This is how the conversation went: 

“Dustin, are you gonna ask Russ if he has the blue shirt?”

“Dad, I’m not getting a puffy blue shirt.”

“It’s not puffy. Seinfeld called it `puffy.’ It’s a fluffy blue shirt. It has ruffles that make it fluffy – not puffy.”

“Dad, no one wears those anymore. Here, look in the book. Do you see any of the guys wearing a puffy blue shirt?”

“That’s fluffy. What about your brother –  he’ll wear the fluffy blue shirt.”

“Daniel, are you going to ask about the blue shirt?”

“The one with things in the front?”

“The ruffles. Yeah!”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’ll look stupid.”

“You walk around with your pants half-way down your underwear – and you think a fluffy blue shirt looks stupid?”

“I won’t like it.”

“You’ve never seen it.”

“You’re wearing it in your prom picture?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Doesn’t it look good?”

“It looks stupid.”

“Do me a favor, when Russ asks what kind of shirt you want, tell him you want to try on the fluffy blue shirt. It’ll look good with the white tux.”

“Dad, we’re both getting black tux.”:

“You’re not getting white?”

“Black!”

“And no fluffy blue shirts? Fine. Anyway, I’ll have the car looking good when I take you and your dates to the prom. You can even play your music on the drive.”

“Dad, you don’t have to drive us, we rented a limo.”

“You rented a limo? You don’t have jobs, how can you rent a limo?”

“We work weekends.”

“You’ve worked weekends for three months. I’ve worked weekdays for 23 years and I’ve never rented a limo. I don’t even know how much it costs.”

“It’ll cost about $500 – but we get it for seven hours.”

“But you’ll be at the prom all night.”

“Yeah, but if we had to rent it for the whole night. Don’t worry, two other couples are going. It’s a good deal. Besides, now you won’t have to drive us to the place. It’s an hour one way.”

“That’s another thing. Your class couldn’t find any place in Sullivan County to hold a prom? We have nice restaurants here. And a few hotels. You know, I took your mom to my prom at Kutsher’s.”

“You’ve told us, Dad.”

“What, your class is too good for Kutsher’s? Your Mom had her prom in the Tri-Valley School gym. There are kids who still have proms in the gym. Kutsher’s is 20 minutes from here. Then you wouldn’t have needed the limo.”

“By the way Dad, we have to buy prom tickets. It’s $100.”

“A hundred bucks?”

“Yeah Dad, but that’s not for one person. It’s $100 for a couple.”

“A hundred bucks to get into the prom and five hundred to get to the prom?”

“It’s more like six hundred.”

“Six hundred?”

“Yeah, we have to tip the driver.”

“I’ve been driving you guys around for 16 years and I never saw a tip. Your limo is going to cost more than I paid for my first car, which I used to take your Mom to the prom. And I had that car a lot longer than seven hours.”

“You’re talking about your Gremlin?”

“Yeah, it was a great car.”

“You said it was a lemon.”

 “Later, but for the first couple of weeks that I had it on the road it was great. And the night of the prom, I threw a blanket in the back so you couldn’t see the cinder blocks. Maybe I can rent you a Gremlin.”

“Dad, what do you think of this black jacket? I’m gonna pick out a white shirt. Daniel’s going to wear a black shirt. And we asked, they don’t sell blue ruffled shirts.”

It’s OK. Stand still. Let me look at you both. You’re right, the black tux looks nice. Makes you guys look taller. Older. Let’s go show your Mom.”

Barry Lewis is a longtime journalist and author who lives with his wife Bonnie in the Town of Neversink. He can be reached at      barrylewisscdemocrat@gmail.com.