My friend, Howard, who has a house in Callicoon Center as well as an apartment along the Hudson River in New York City has been very busy for the past few years caring for his parents. He had settled them into an assisted living facility in Florida and spends a great deal of time in Florida caring for them. His father died on December 3rd at nearly age ninety-nine and his mother is also in her late nineties. My son, Michael and I attended the father’s graveside service in Paramus, NJ on December 7th.  It was interesting to learn how Jewish services are done. This service was at graveside and there was a lot of walking in 40-degree weather. I was grateful there was some seating available. Mourners were encouraged to participate in shoveling earth onto the casket.  There was a luncheon afterward which we didn’t attend because I was getting too tired.  Everyone agreed that Howard did a terrific job arranging everything.

A few months ago, I went to a funeral for my cousin, Greta, in Whiting, New Jersey. She had been in assisted living for several months.  While there, Greta got up on her own to use the bathroom because she didn’t want to bother the staff. She fell as a result and died in the fall. That seems to be a common occurrence for a patient - to think they can manage on their own rather than bother a staff member. I know of a similar case where a woman fell after getting up from her hospital bed; she is still in a hospital recovering from the fall even though it was several months ago. 

I know of one death where a daughter tossed her father’s ashes into the sea because he had been in the Navy during World War II. The parents had actually planned to be buried together. That was a spiteful move between two sisters.

I recently put instructions in a large manila envelope to be opened upon my death. It includes a list of people I want notified, people I want to speak at my funeral, hymns I want included in the service, and photos I want shown.  Unfortunately, that envelope is already buried… under a mass of papers next to my desk.