I was the lead singer and primary songwriter of the 80’s band, Comateens. One night after a raucous performance, a record producer named Tony asked if I could write on a professional level. What was he talking about? Hadn’t my poetry just rocked his world? But it was a book that Tony wanted me to write—a vendetta in the form of a scathing tell-all about his cousin, Jon Bon Jovi. “Only don’t tell anyone,” he added. “No one can know that I’m involved, even though I’m gonna be the author and you’re the ghostwriter.” Then we stepped into a small closet, and the confusion of Tony not wanting me to tell anyone that he was behind the tell-all even though he would be the author vanished as he handed me ten thousand dollars cash.  Coincidentally, so dissolved my urge to confess that I failed English and hated reading.

I got my first look at Jon Bon Jovi as he peacocked his way across my MTV, and all I could think of was how do I get a date with this guy? I thought Tony might help, but he was too busy installing a second phone line and answering machine into my already cramped apartment. “Never answer this line,” he emphatically instructed, “Just let the machine pick up.”   

“Why?” I asked. 

“Because that’s the number you’re going to give everyone you talk to when you’re out getting the dirt on Jon. And Jon will somehow get that number, call you, and try to talk you out of this book,” he explained. I could think of nothing better than Jon calling me and talking me out of or into anything, so I waited religiously by the phone until Tony had the nerve to ask for pages. And since the only writing I’d done so far was in my diary, my only recourse was to leave town.

Using the artful alias of Jan Roman, I traveled undercover to New Jersey where I surreptitiously drove past the house Jon grew up in, infiltrated his high school, and interviewed many people who knew and worked with him. I found considerably more dirt on Tony then on Jon. Nonetheless it dawned on me that writing this book was a rare opportunity I must embrace. From then on, I looked at Jon as just another piece of aspiration toward my new writing career. I returned home to an incessantly ringing phone and a series of hang ups from Jon, of course.

I worked hard crafting the story of Jon Bon Jovi, X-shoe salesman who married his high school sweetheart and won a radio contest, into 200 pages of trials and tribulations in my book Bon Jovi: Runaway Superstars. So I renegotiated with Tony for sole authorship...and got it! In the words of a fan, my book was the best ever written since reading it only took one visit to the bathroom. My editor later remarked, “Well you’ve written a book, your name’s on it and it’s been published. That’s quite an accomplishment. Too bad you’ll be too embarrassed by the subject-matter to ever want to tell anyone. Too bad you gave up the ghostwriter-ship.” It was this offhanded comment that haunted me even after I returned to songwriting. As for Jon, we only ever met in spirit.

RAMONA JAN is the Founder and Director of Yarnslingers, a storytelling group that tells tales both fantastic and true. She is also the roving historian for Callicoon, NY and is often seen giving tours around town. You can email her at callicoonwalkingtours@gmail.com.