For a while there was very little action in my in-box that needed immediate attention until yesterday when the following letters appeared, which I present to you without alteration:

Dear ramonajan:

If you are the correct owner of this email address then be glad this day as the result of the Canadian lottery online e-mail address free-ticket winning draws held in Toronto Canada has just been released, and we are glad to announce to you that your email address won you the sweepstakes in the first category and you are entitled to claim the sum of 48.4 Million usd, Your email address was entered for the online draw on this Free Ticket Numbers: CA768392739209020 and won on this Lucky Numbers: ANa41983420217.

You are to contact Mr. Douglas John Green for quick delivery of your cheque of 48.4 Million usd. Note that all winners’ cheques are certified cashiers bank cheques and when delivered and received by you, you can cash it in your bank without any delay.

Reply with your full information to claim your winning prize of 48.4 million usd. Send your full information where you want your check to be delivered to you.

Yours in service

Mrs. Susan L. Moody.

My reply: Dear Mrs. Susan Moody:

My full information can be summed up in this recently written Haiku of mine:

Trying to diet

Trying to diet harder

Soft in the middle

(Sadly, I did not hear back from Mrs. Moody. Hours later, however, I did receive this concerning email): 

Dear ramonajan,

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inform you of a concerning situation that I’ve uncovered in my capacity as a clerk at the Ministry of Finance. It appears there is a conspiracy involving certain corrupt officials and staff who are attempting to misappropriate your funds by diverting them to an account in Europe.

Through my findings, I have learned that your funds were recently transferred from Africa to London and subsequently moved to Banco Italiano in Italy. The latest information indicates that they are planning to reroute your money back to a security company in the UK. They continue to use your name and account information as the beneficiary, but have altered the account coordinates, resulting in unnecessary delays and fee requests designed to buy time while they finalize the transfer to their designated account.

I possess the transaction reference number and contact details of the official overseeing this process at the security company in the UK. Your payment must pass through the UK Credit Control Financial Clearing House before it is lodged with the security company. All information regarding your claim is within my reach, and I assure you, I do not seek any form of compensation for my assistance.

I kindly ask for your discretion in this matter. If you would like further details, please contact me via my private email, and I will provide you with the necessary information to help you recover your funds. I request that you do not disclose my involvement, as it may put my position at risk.

Thank you for your understanding, and I wish you all the best in resolving this matter.

RAMONA JAN is the Founder and Director of Yarnslingers, a storytelling group that tells tales both fantastic and true. She is also the roving historian for Callicoon, NY and is often seen giving tours around town. You can email her at callicoonwalkingtours@gmail.com.