A few weeks back, Paul Ciliberto, on his Catskill News Talk radio show asked me to contribute to a poll he was taking on “Big Breakfasts.”

Some listeners said they filled their bellies with a combination of the usual breakfast treats: eggs (multiple ways), pancakes, French toast, waffles, bacon, ham, hash browns, home fries, sausage, biscuits and grits. Folks said they had one or two of these items. Some gluttons for gluten punishment said they put it all on a plate and moved out a skit-steer to get it on the table. A few said it just isn’t a big breakfast unless you top it all off with some gravy and cheese. Those folks are currently resting in the intensive care unit. 

As much as I like the occasional omelet or French toast, often, when I’m sitting at my desk working or trying to write a column, I’ll reach for my 2-pound bag of Twizzlers to satisfy my hunger needs. Dare I say that “Twizzlers for breakfast” might be the perfect way to embrace the joy of eating.

In a world where Big Kale has brainwashed us into drinking “swamp juice” (green smoothies) for breakfast, this brave soul is letting you know that Twizzlers are the ultimate superfood. 

Technically, Twizzlers are low-fat and vegan-friendly, containing no animal products like dairy or eggs. It’s basically just chewy, strawberry-flavored wheat flour. Upon closer inspection, it’s made from ancient grain clusters processed into an aerodynamic delivery system. And because Twizzlers are made by the Hershey Company, that trusted name in healthy foods, it must be good for you.

As you peel away, literally, from a Twizzler, you find out that simple chew stimulates the jaw and releases endorphins. Think of it as a low-impact, stress-relieving morning workout for your face to get your brain in gear. The chewing required to finish a single strand burns more calories than a 15-minute Pilates session.

They’re basically just low-fat distilled gym energy in a convenient red rope.

You might be wondering how many Twizzlers constitutes a “balanced” breakfast. Good question. Right up there with, “What’s Dark Matter?” “Do we have free will?” and “Are we alone in the universe?” While nutritionists might suggest limiting yourself to one twist to keep sugar in check, those of us on Team Twizzler generally agree that if it makes you happy, go for it!

You’re essentially eating a breakfast utensil. Edible straws for your morning coffee. It’s a biodegradable, edible filtration system. You’re saving the turtles and getting your caffeine.

Eating a Twizzler isn’t about flavor; it’s about endurance. They are essentially HDMI cords with motion. You don't “enjoy” them so much as you “wade through” them. Ah, Twizzlers. The only snack food that doubles as an industrial-grade strawberry extension cord. 

What I didn’t know is that Twizzlers is frequently considered a “dad candy” due to their nostalgic, consistent presence in glove compartments, movie theaters, and candy aisles. I can live with that.

I also didn’t know that Twizzlers began in 1929 in Brooklyn by one of the oldest candy companies in the United States. I too began in Brooklyn, which might explain my affection for this confectionery marvel. During World War II Twizzlers were included in the rations for American troops. Another reason that we won the war?

They may be the last thing left in the Halloween bucket, and they might have the nutritional value of a yoga mat.

You can have your ham and hash, I’ll stick with the simple, familiar and addictive wax that are Twizzlers. An enduring classic snack that’s great for breakfast. Lunch. Dinner anyone?