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A Process of Emotional Healing

Moshe Unger - Columnist
Posted 9/24/20

Some years ago, I was fundraising for a not-profit project that I headed. An individual in Philadelphia expressed interest in the project to a mutual friend who then made the connection between us. …

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A Process of Emotional Healing

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Some years ago, I was fundraising for a not-profit project that I headed. An individual in Philadelphia expressed interest in the project to a mutual friend who then made the connection between us.

We met and the meeting went well. When it came to “the ask” he said that he wants to see a business plan. It took me a while to put together a business plan. After a few months of work, I sent it over to him.

After a few days, I followed up and his response was very cold. I was extremely upset. After all the work we put in upon his request he didn't even give an adequate explanation why he doesn't want to support the project. I tried to reason with him to no avail.

I was very used to getting ‘no's' and that didn't bother me. I couldn't expect people to see the same vision and have the same passion. However, this incident was different. After showing a lot of interest and asking that we should write a business plan for him, it was wrong to demur without good explanation, in my opinion.

It took me a long time to get over the incident, although it is a relatively minor disappointment. Over the years, when I remembered it, I tried to understand and forgive him. However, it's very hard to do so when the other party never asked for forgiveness or even apologized. I wasn't successful until I realized that deep down, it wasn't just an apology that I was really seeking. I was seeking acceptance for my pain from him. I wanted him to understand me and hear my side of the story.

When I unearthed the root of my emotions, I felt better and I was ready to forgive him. Although my feelings wanted acceptance from him, it didn't make any sense because I don't really know the guy and we live miles away.

This process of healing is not about the triumph of sense over emotion.

I still have the desire of acceptance but the rational mind shone a light on the emotion and dissolved it, just like the immune system dissolves a virus. Before I uncovered the roots of this feeling, the desire of acceptance was misplaced, it was in exile. It thought that I ought to be having acceptance in this case. When the mind found the root feeling, it was able to communicate with it and help it understand that I don't really need acceptance from this person and in this situation.

Sometimes it can take time to reach the root of a feeling, but once you realize it, it doesn't take long for the mind to shine some light and dissipate the bad feelings. Of course, not all roots are desires for acceptance. There are many emotional desires, but the same process can heal other emotions too.

Today, with heightened political debate, this feeling of acceptance can keep people debating for hours or create discord in friendships. By realizing the root of it, we can shed light and realize that conforming opinions will not necessarily bring acceptance.

I'm writing this as a preparation for Yom Kippur which will be this coming Monday.

Yom Kippur is one of the most special days of the year. We fast and pray throughout the day. Yom Kippur opens the knots of our soul. It releases the blockages that keep our emotions trapped, and it allows us to think big and shed light to our root feelings. Ultimately Yom Kippur infuses us with courage to break free of our blockages which keep us from connecting with the Creator of the whole world.

Comments? Email me: Moshe@jaketv.tv.

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