Notes from the frontlines of cancer, and quotes from my friends in the battle with female cancers. All quotes are true. Names have been changed for privacy. 

Sally: “I’m one year post chemo. I’m doing okay, but does anyone get future fear? Like I’ll just randomly start crying because I’m so scared to leave my daughter in however many years. Fear of what I’m going to miss. She’s going to need me, she’s only 14. I just get so sad and angry sometimes and I’m trying to be positive.”

Donna: “I have this fear every single day. I started this battle in May 2023. And it’s been bad news after bad news. I haven’t had one clear scan, and everyday all the pain is horrific. My daughter is 16, and extremely depressed. She’s currently seeing a therapist to help her cope through this journey. It’s har for me to help her when I can barely help myself.”

Debra: “I’ve been dealing with this for ten years. My second recurrence was in December 2022. I fear the future all the time. I feel like a ticking time bomb and feel I generally live from scan to scan. On the outside people would never guess what I’ve been through and those that know forget as to look at me, I look okay.”

Talula: “I was first diagnosed in 2019. Had all the surgery and clear margins. It was supposed to be behind me. Here I am five years later. First reoccurrence was 2021 with a small spot. Treated it with chemo and radiation. Three months later, it returned and spread. I was told I’m no longer curative. I have three children ages 8, 12 and 16. I’m afraid to leave them.”

Shaua: “I had a recurrence seven months ago. Still healing physically but mentally I’m not okay. I’m so afraid it will come back again and I can’t imagine fighting it again! Having cancer twice in three years has defeated me.” 

Betty: “I am 36 years-old with four kids. The youngest is two, adopted through foster care by myself. I am stage 4 also. I had a clean scan then a month later, it began growing back. For three months I have watched my markers climb and have had scans confirming that there is growth back in my lymph nodes. It breaks my heart. I am currently battling pneumonia from the treatment. The burden is so heavy. It is so scary to think of leaving a child behind.” 

Charise: “I’m almost two years NED (No Evidence of Disease) from stage 4B. I’m more afraid now than I was during my treatments. I’ve learned to live in the moment. I’m a single parent to a 16 year-old boy. I make sure we do stuff, and spend time together. We also have a couple vacations planned to look forward to.”

Joan: “I have such a strong spirit to live my life, and believe in full healing, but the fear is like a boogeyman on my back. It’s so hard to shake. I feel like the sky could fall at any time. It’s so hard.” 

Robin: “It takes my breath away. I’ve just come out of a three day funk today. I should probably shower now. LOL! Just lied on the sofa, eating crap and googling, but then I remind myself, this cancer is treatable.”