In Stanley Kubrick’s film, 2001: A Space Odyssey he took us on a journey from ancient civilizations to far into the future. It introduced a concept that Artificial Intelligence might someday take over mankind’s future by interactions among computers. It’s amped up right now with artificial intelligence. I’m not tech savvy so when I have a problem with my computer it’s panic time. This column relates and shares a computer problem that frustrated the heck out of me. As a writer with a deadline the last thing I need are computer problems. 

My panic attacks amped up Friday afternoon when I cranked up my Commodore 64 computer to review and edit this column. Note to my readers, I do not use a Commodore 64. And for future reference I do not own a Palm Pilot. I do, however, possess a Blockbuster video membership card. I use these iconic devices to jostle the memory storage neurons in your brain to say “I have that Blockbuster card somewhere. But since I have no intention to be “kind and unwind” my copy of “Titanic” is mine by eminent domain.  

The technician who I was assigned to was not properly trained in how to handle a client like myself. Even with my limited understanding of tech support, being advised that the only solution is to bring the wireless keyboard and mouse back to Walmart is not the answer a customer wants to hear.  

I decided to try to tackle the problem by myself. I unpacked everything that came in the box and took an inventory. Luckily the manufacturer took the big step by including a printed section, on the box that answered the obvious, The contents of my new wireless keyboard and mouse purchase included a wireless mouse, a wireless keyboard, one USB receiver and 4 AAA batteries.

What the package did not contain was an instruction manual. Left to figure it out on my own, I tried every possible combination of the contents. At one brief time I was excited to see a red light blink on when I installed two of the three provided batteries. Maybe they included the third as a peace offering. 

Soon I discovered the proper battery to USB ratio and was able to use the mouse to push the cursor around the screen. I decided to try to actually type something on the lap top screen, I found a very terse User Guide in the box and soon discovered why the tech support guy advised me to return the product to Walmart. Most of the guide dealt with troubleshooting because the “keyboard is not working.” The guide said that it may be caused by an issue with the USB port, the USB cable or the computer. A suggested solution was to make sure everything is plugged in properly. 

I made sure all the connections were tightly plugged. I examined the keyboard. For some reason the manufacturer felt compelled at every opportunity to let me know the keyboard has 104 keys. Did I really need two ctrl and two alt buttons? 

There were three keys that said enter. I just used one of those enter keys to create this paragraph. After I unplug all the cables and gadgets and stuff them back in the original box I had one more task. 

The clerk at Walmart was actually very professional. He accepted my return without a question.

Hudson Cooper is a resident of Sullivan County, a writer, comedian and actor.