If you’re going to steal my identity, you have to take it cancer and all. My credit card number was filched more than once most likely by someone using a device called a skimmer, which zaps your information in a mere nanosecond. This is called Identity Theft.

“Your credit card is being used in Islip Long Island to buy massive amounts of equipment for a dog kennel, and three English-as-a-second-language courses. Is that you?” came the call from my bank.

“Not me!” (Although, admittedly, maybe I could use some English lessons?)

The best way to prevent Identity Theft of this sort is to pay cash, but if you must pay by card there are ways to protect it. Ways of which I still don’t know and certainly did not at the time of the aforementioned incident that took place a few years ago.

More recently, my identity was stolen due to a mistake of mine. I hate to admit it but I was lured into buying discounted postage stamps online from of all places a Facebook ad. Here’s what happened:

I saw the Charlie Brown forever stamps, at half-price, with Lucy, Pig Pen and the rest of the gang with their arms open wide beckoning a hug, and I went wild. Clicking on the advert, everything looked copasetic; USPS logo and all. So I put, not one, but five booklets in my shopping cart while not at all paying attention to that small voice that kept saying, “Does the post office really ever discount stamps? Maybe you should check.” 

I could have picked up the phone and called the post office, but I didn’t. I was in the heat of a great deal and there was a ticker ticking away at my purchase. If I didn’t get it in under five minutes, the deal was off. Again, the small voice went, “Is the post office really catching up with the times?”

Just as I hit pay, my card was blocked. Of course, this made me very angry. I immediately called the bank and was told to call the Fraud Department, where I got into some real trouble. First, I found out that I didn’t pay the post office at all but rather a men’s clothing store in China.

“Did you make the purchase?” asked the Lady from Fraud. I wanted to say no and I did say no until I said yes totally confusing and confirming the matter. 

“If you made the purchase,” continued the Lady from Fraud, “then it’s not fraud!”

“But it’s future fraud when it turns out to be a men’s store in China and not the post office,” I countered. We argued back and forth about what was and was not fraud. I stood my ground, but I think she won. 

“Okay, I made the purchase,” I confessed, “But now I need my card to be canceled.”

“We don’t cancel cards,” said the Lady from Fraud, “We hot card them.”

“I don’t care what term you use, just please cancel the card,” I countered.

“I can’t cancel your card. I can only hot card it.”

“Whatever,” I said, “Just do it!”

“Okay, it’s done. Now you have to call your bank and let them know.” 

“Isn’t that your job?”

“I’ll send them a notice, but you still have to call.”

Between waiting on hold and all the various phone calls, reclaiming my identity took the entire morning. Finally, my card was, in my words, canceled! I count the business days, ten, until the new one arrives. Meanwhile, I will get to the bottom of this discounted stamp debacle as nothing beats a pretty stamp on an envelope.

p.s. At the Callicoon post office I was informed that, indeed, there are companies residing in China that have, years ago, bought up forever stamps at a lesser price and are now selling them at a discount. My beloved Charlie Brown stamps are on that list. It’s tempting. 

RAMONA JAN is the Founder and Director of Yarnslingers, a storytelling group that tells tales both fantastic and true. She is also the roving historian for Callicoon, NY and is often seen giving tours around town. You can email her at callicoonwalkingtours@gmail.com.